On My Lap...

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Today hasn't been the best day. Waking up to the news of the earthquake and impending tsunami was terrifying. What is going to happen next? Who will be next? I know there's no use in worrying, and I can't help but think that if the world gets through these trials we will be all the better for it, but I'm scared.

One of Mike's high school friends has a girlfriend. We have gone out with our boyfriends a couple of times and done a couple of things sans boys. I suggested we go out tonight and have a girls night which she agreed to...enthusiastically. She now appears to be bailing on it because the boys are planning on going out as well and she doesn't trust her boyfriend to behave himself. They have a horrible relationship and she has repeatedly thrown me under the bus when I've tried to stand up for her, so this isn't surprising. Just disappointing. I want my own friends down here and hoped I had found one, but it doesn't look promising. It makes me grateful for the few solid friends I have and makes me miss Brian's undying dedication to me all the more.


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Not Wanting Me to Go to Work

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Chasing Her Tail

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BNB

It is the eighth month anniversary of Brian's death today. I feel as if I miss him more every day as reality sets in that he really is gone in a tangible sense. I never visited his gravesite and am now wondering if I should have. It almost seems to me that he is still over in Afghanistan, out on some lengthy mission and that I will get a phonecall from him any day now telling me he is back. The fact that I will never hear his voice again, never look in to his eyes again, never feel his arms wrapped around me in a hug is more than I can stand.

I'm moving ahead in the grieving process but still broke down as I copied out the below poem. I would give decades of my life to have him back even just for a day. How can he really not be here? I can always feel him, hear him, but it isn't the same. I want all of him and won't ever have it again.

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away ino the next room.
I am I and you are you,
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used to.
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,
Laugh as we always laughed
At the jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
That is always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
Without the trace of a shadow in it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity,
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
Somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

-Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918
Canon of St. Paul's Cathedral

This Weekend

We haven't done anything too exciting this weekend. I got my first paycheck on Friday (and get one every week, awesome!), so I went and opened an account at Chase because B of A doesn't have as strong a presence down here and I would have had to open a separate B of A account in California. Weird. I also had a certificate for a free $125 when I opened a Chase account and utilized direct deposit! On top of that, I don't have to pay monthly fees and now have a debit card that earns me points. I also am switching my American Express account over to a Chase card that charges 0% interest this year, which is something I've been wanting to do. I can also directly transfer money to Mike's account (he uses Chase) for bills, so it's a win-win-win-win (not sure how many wins) account. I'm excited!

Mom and Dad - I'm going to transfer $100 into my B of A account for you guys as soon as I can find a B of A ATM and deposit the money. Since I'm getting paid every week, my paychecks aren't as large as I thought, so I'm going to give you guys $100 this paycheck, $100 from the next, probably $200 from the third, etc. Don't worry though, I haven't forgotten : ).

After Chase, Mike and I went to Rite Aid and Ralph's (QFC) and bought my much needed deoderant (yep, couldn't afford deoderant) and fruit and veggies. I ran out of fruit and veggies this past week and immediately started getting sick, so bring on the produce! (I admit that I also bought brownie mix...hey, I had to break in the brownie pan my mom and dad gave me for Christmas!) Mike commented multiple times how impressed he was with me at Rite Aid. I was looking for nail polish and a planner to use at work (trying to figure out how I can best stay organized, keep to-do lists in the same place, etc.) and literally looked at every type of nail polish looking for the cheapest and best deal. I was upset over spending $3.99 instead of $2.50, ha! I also bypassed every planner because they weren't perfect. Mike said, "In the past, you would have just grabbed one and said, 'this will work!'." I've definitely learned from the recession ; ).

Today I'm going to Costco to fill up my tank with gas. We live about half a mile from Costco, it is SO nice. And gas is most definitely the least expensive there. Then I'm off to Barnes and Noble to see if they have a Moleskin planner that I am convinced I saw at the U Village B & N but honestly may have created in my head. Then it's off to Target where I most likely will end up getting the planner and mounting tape so I can hang some mirrors we have for the living room.

It is already such a relief to have money coming in. I would love if it were more (but think I'll get a raise once I'm free of the temp agency), but it is most definitely ENOUGH and that is an amazing feeling. Oh, and did I mention that my overtime hours are time and a half? I'll basically be living at work!

The hardest part of working is the fact that Lola is really sad over it. She wakes up with me every morning and we go for a little morning walk and have some water and a snack. Then she hangs out with me while I workout and eat breakfast. When I shower and am in the bathroom getting ready I leave the door open so she can access me (because she gets upset when she can't). She sits at the end of the couch fighting sleep so she can watch me. She looks at me with these sad, sad eyes like, "I can't believe you're leaving me AGAIN!" When I get home she gets so excited to see me and then curls up next to me/on me to be close to me. She really breaks my heart every morning. Sigh.

In other news, Mike is sick...I gave it to him (it came from work) and he apparently has given it back to me. Oh well, too bad, I'm working 10 hour days anyway!

Quote

I Love This Work Outfit

My boss (big boss...head of the department, not direct boss) keeps reitrating the importance of dressing for the job you want instead of the job you have. I have done this at this job since day one and have been wearing dresses, pencil skirts, etc., definitely dressing more formal than the other women (and men) with whom I work with. Our C.E.O. apparently wishes men still wore suits to work every day, which I'm fairly certain means that he wants women to dress like, well, women! The women in the office don't seem to put too much time or energy in to their work outfits. I think you feel better about yourself and take your job more seriously when you put on a work outfit...it's like putting on a persona. So, I will continue to do this and have no doubt it will help advance my career in this particular company.

Bedroom/Vanity Details

Someday my bedroom will look like this. Someday I will have a dresser to put my clothes in instead of boxes!

These Are Just Images I Like...

...no hidden meaning : ).

I love how Brigitte Bardot the above and below photos are. Must emulate the below photo.

Photos from My Last Shoot in Seattle

Fashion Week Looks

Well, inspite of my new financial job, my love of fashion still burns strong. I try to bring my style into my somewhat boring work outfits, but I'm still struggling to find a balance between yawn-inducing corporate chic and completely out-there fashion. Here are some favorite looks from Fashion Week parties...


I love Poppy Delvigne's look here. It's so understated and neutral, yet sleek and polished.




Kate Bosworth's ballerina-esque look is so feminine and delicate.


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Ew

Wow is it ever hard to find time to blog! I've been trying to work 9+ hours a day and will continue to do so particularly since I found out that my overtime hours are paid time and a half. Wow! Things are continuing to go well at my job. I'm learning more and more this week and gaining more responsibilities and hope I'm living up to expectations.

All I can think about right now is my birth control debacle. I switched pills because my doctor thought maybe the one I was on was contributing to my migraines. I was off the pill for about a month and just started another one. During those times I didn't have migraines and am still not, so clearly the pill is working in that sense. What ISN'T working is the fact that this new pill is making my skin SO oily and I'm breaking out in ways I never have. I think the giant cyst I had on my face is a result of the pill as well. I left a message with the doctor today asking if I could get a Retin-A prescription (Retin-A is a topical ointment that clears up skin), but upon further thought decided I want to go off this pill completely. Honestly, I would rather have migraines than have my skin look and feel like this. I can feel oil underneath my skin, it is grossing me out.

So that's exciting, disgusting news. Sorry for the boring update, my oily skin is currently all-consuming.

Happy...Lola Day!

Today we are celebrating not only Cupid but our little Lola. It is her first birthday and we are so incredibly thankful she is here to celebrate it. One day last October we didn't think we would get to this day, but here we are celebrating the sweetest, quirkiest little Lolabee that has ever lived!

Happy Birthday little Lola, here is to many more : ).


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How About That...

An app that lets me blog from my iPhone! Now I can blog at work, while driving...I kid, I kid.

In all seriousess, this will bring life back to my blog. Now that my laptop is, errrr, imobile due to a broken hinge in the top, I can't blog anywhere but the kitchen table which really isn't condusive to writing. So, now I can blog anywhere!


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Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work I Go...

There is about to be a whole lot more writing on here and probably very few pictures because...I have re-entered the working world! (And the job I now work at doesn't encourage personal Internet use...duh.)

Today was my first day working for a third-party insurance provider in their Retirement Division. What does that mean? Well, we are all still figuring that out. The division is being restructured so people were let go and others, me being one, are being brought on. *Full Disclosure: I have absolutely NO experience in securities nor do I have a financial degree. I was actually hired BECAUSE of those reasons and because of my interest in expanding my work experience in to a new arena.

So...today I went to work and went through some orientations, learned how to work the phone (a ridiculously intricate but simple system once you get the hang of it), the Internet and e-mail service (NOT Outlook...ahhh!), and was shown how to do some basic clerical-esque work. The theory is that I will go through every little detail on how the division is run and, day by day, gain more and more experience until I eventually am given my own clients (entire companies) to manage. Wow!

I am, as of yet, not too overwhelmed. The good news is that everything is quite systematical so far, so it really is just a matter of watching, taking notes on the processes, and repeating myself. So far so good.

Going back in time...this past weekend was great! M, four friends, and I, went to Shout House (a brewery) and then Jimmy Love's (an awesome bar with AMAZING cover bands) in the Gaslamp Friday night. It is the second time I have been to Jimmy Love's and I have to say that it is my favorite place to go out, in San Diego AND Seattle. M and I kept the drinking to a minimum because we felt like it was our turn to drive everyone around and it was...um...interesting. Our friends did the exact opposite, particularly the girl I went with, and well, pardon the expression, "shit hit the fan". I won't go in to details, but it wasn't pretty. We are talking about falling all over the dance floor, having screaming arguments, talking to EVERYONE we passed on the street, and, the best, while in a pizza place around 2:00 AM, holding the Parmesan and red pepper hostage, only relinquishing it until other patrons would sing a Black Eyed Peas song. Right... That is just the PG-13 stuff. She basically went insane which was both alarming, sad, and entertaining.

Saturday was a bit frightening. I realized I desperately needed a haircut before I started work Monday and couldn't stand the thought of entering my new workplace as a brunette, so I booked an appointment at the Paul Mitchell School in downtown San Diego. Let me just say right away...it turned out fine. BUT...the girl who I got had apparently NEVER done highlights before and left foils on my head for, no joke, two hours. Usually they are on for about 30 minutes tops. When she started pulling them off, just as I suspected, my hair looked WHITE. It turns out that when you leave color on that long it gets white and foamy. I was on the verge of having a complete meltdown for several hours. It was terrifying and I was afraid I'd be starting work with either white or orange hair. Fortunately the hair gods were watching over me and spared me from that horrible fate. One of the instructors ended up cutting my hair because my girl ran out of time, so I at least got a fear-free cut. Yikes.

Now on to SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! Can I just say that I am THRILLED that the Saints won?! I knew they were going to, even in lieu of their predicted chances. I had a dream I was in New Orleans sometime early last week. The dream was incredibly detailed and I've NEVER been there. I knew then that it was a sign. Unfortunately nobody listened to me. Oh well, their loss.

M and I went over to the house that a couple of his childhood friends live in. I had a great time. I met a ton of new people, got to play with two cute dogs, and ate homemade guacamole and fish tacos. YUMMMMM!

The dogs are now crying out for attention. (Lola is having a hard time with me being gone and pooped in the house both on Saturday when I was getting my hair done and TWICE today while I was at work. Uh oh.) I'm going to go re-write notes that I took in a hurry at work, eat some dinner and maybe have a beer.

**I think I should get a superstar award for working out both BEFORE and AFTER work today. Yep, I did.